Browsing
profile after profile, I've noticed a few major faux pas that dudes tend to do
while attempting the online thing. It's a weird experience, because it really
is like shopping for a boyfriend. Or like interviewing for a job - it all feels
really false. I get the tactics that guys resort to when trying to meet
someone, but maybe if they follow the below suggestions I have, they might have
better luck.
•
Always
post a picture of yourself. No
exceptions. Looks aren't supposed to matter, but they do. You have to be
attracted to your (potential) partner if you want a romantic and sexual
connection to them. If you don't post a picture, then you pretty much will not
hear from anyone, ever. Maybe it's shallow, but that's unfortunately the
way it is. If you have privacy concerns, maybe online dating isn't for
you. If you don't think you're attractive enough...well, ask for help. Ask a
friend to help pick the best picture(s) of you. Or if you have a friend who is
into photography, get them to set up a mini photo shoot for they can get
your "best angles." Just be careful not to photoshop -
posting a picture of an airbrushed you might get you a date, but it won't get
you a second! The general rule of thumb here: if you don't upload a picture, it
makes us think you have something to hide!
•
Be
somewhat creative in your photo selections. Most sites will recommend posting a couple of pictures.
However, when they give this advice, I don't think they consider posting 4
shots of you in the exact same pose - usually a picture of yourself taken with
your camera phone, looking at the mirror - really counts as multiple pictures.
I've come across a surprisingly large amount of profiles where I've seen this.
And no, it's not the case of accidentally uploading the same picture twice - in
some, the guy is wearing different outfits. Doing this makes you look lazy and
uncreative. I tend to respond more to the profiles where the guy has a bunch of
photos of himself in a few different scenarios - it makes him look livelier and
more approachable and fun. Much more so than that sullen man in the mirror.
•
Let me
see your face. Perhaps the only thing worse than
not uploading a picture is uploading a picture that gives me no idea whatsoever
about what you look like. Yes, I've seen many a profile where the guy's face is
obscured, blurry, far away, etc. Falling into the same category as the no
picture people, keeping yourself a mystery will decrease your chances of
finding Ms. Right.
•
Don't
upload a picture of you surrounded by other women. No, you're not making me jealous.
But when you post pictures of you with a bunch of other girls - worse if you're
clearly at a bar - it makes you look at worst desperate to prove you can
attract a woman's attention and at best a player.
•
Avoid
posting pictures of you looking wasted. If you're actually serious about finding someone, and not just
for the night, I recommend you think twice about posting that "hilarious"
picture of you totally trashed at a party. I mean, look. We've all partied.
We've all gotten drunk. There are tons of hilarious and hilariously bad photos
of me at parties over the years, and I love them. But I would never put them on
a dating site. Coming across as a big party animal could work against you,
especially if you’re trying to market yourself as looking for a more serious or
long-term thing. Think about it this way - a lot of people say they try online
dating to avoid the bar scene - so please leave it there!
•
Choose
your screen name wisely. A lot of the free sites make you pick your username, and that's
fine. But just so you know, names like Mr. Niceguy and Lookin4Luv come off as
surprisingly sleazy and/or extremely uncreative.
•
Put at
least some effort into your profile. Filling those suckers out can be annoying and tedious, I know.
The questions they ask are usually pretty goofy and most people struggle when
trying to summarize their life in a small box. But when you clearly haven't put
any effort in - answering "I don't know" or "I'll fill this out
later" - you will be turning off a lot of potential mates. If you don't
put in the effort to make yourself look appealing, no one will make the effort
to get to know you.
•
Use
proper spelling and grammar. I know that English isn't everyone's first language, and I get
that it's not everyone's strong suit. That's fine. And maybe this the grammar
snob in me but when I see someone write stuff like "u look hott" or
use "da" instead of "the" and "wid" instead of
"with," I cringe. Then I delete your message.
•
DO NOT,
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, COPY AND PASTE THE SAME MESSAGE TO A BUNCH OF
DIFFERENT WOMEN. This is
the big one, so pay attention. Guys: we can always tell when you do this.
The jig, she is up. I will automatically delete any messages from someone who
didn't bother to read my profile. You clearly aren't that interested in me and
you didn't put any effort whatsoever, so why do you think I should bother with
you? Breaking the ice is intimidating, I get it. But doing the old copy and
paste is no way to do it. It may seem like a quick way to gauge someone’s
interest, but it’s so impersonal. Here’s a tip: ask a question or two, or make
a comment, about something specifically related to the girl. That will get you
a much higher ROI!
So if you
follow my advice, you might have better luck in the jungle of online
dating. It's daunting out there, I know, but there are ways
to make it a little less so. Really, all you need to do is write a nice,
concise profile, and put a little effort into the messages you send. The worst
that can happen is the person won't write back. Go forth, my darlings!
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