The Pathetic Guy; Or, the Male Ego at Work *live updates!*

Happy 2014, loves! Another year, another crop of weirdos to get messages from. This one is actually kind of a bummer, because it's not a weird or particularly funny one. It's a case of a bruised ego, and why sometimes guys really depress me. The minute there is the slightest hint of rejection, the name calling starts. It's funny but also kind of sad, because I try to be a positive person and send out good vibes.

Before I post my latest exchange, I want to reiterate something: I really hate, with an underline, copy and paste messages. I think they're lazy and unimaginative. Another blog talked about them, saying they're a way for guys (and presumably girls) to test the waters without putting in too much effort. And while I can sort of see it from that perspective, it  doesn't mean that I don't find it borderline insulting when someone can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to come up with something original. I'm not asking for a massive message; even saying "Hello [my name], I really liked your profile. [Brief mention of something I talked about in my profile to show it was actually read.] Hope to hear from you/other nice closing!" is completely acceptable.

So when someone has CLEARLY sent me a copy and pasted message with the cliche line of "you seem interesting!", I like to call them out on it. That's what happened in this case, and well...

[Again, sorry for my horrible box drawing skills!]

 

Yeah. Deep, deep down, I can almost see where he's coming from in asking if it was attempt for validation. Admittedly, I will work on that line, because in theory, I can sort of understand it. But on the other hand, if you have read my profile and seen my pictures, you would know I'm not the type of girl who asks strangers for validation. That should be obvious from the get go. I don't have any "sexy" pictures on me, nor do I have "funny" self-deprecating remarks that are really just bait for a compliment. That is so not what I'm about, online or in real life. A

It's weird that he assumed I'd want to actually have a conversation with him after he essentially called me desperate for attention. That's not how women work, buddy. It comes across as the ultimate male ego at work: you can say rude things to me, but I'll still want to talk to you because I'm a weak, needy girl!

And then the name calling. Sigh. It's still funny but sad that some men immediately resort to this after the slightest bit of rejection. My response wasn't bitchy or immature; it was a valid explanation and reaction to his comment. And it wasn't even a forthright rejection, either (although naturally I would not have continued a genuine conversation with this guy). 

The thing that depresses me about this conversation more than the others is that I don't understand it. I truly don't get what the problem is with wanting someone to put in the minimal required effort. I mean, FFS, my name is literally in the second line of my profile, yet he didn't even bother to use it. I have a secret word hidden in my profile, and he didn't refer to it. Clearly, this dude did not take a single look at  any of the words I had written. And when I called him out on it, he starts calling me names. Is that just because I hit a nerve, that I saw through something he thought he was being clever for doing? 

ALERT ALERT ALERT

HE WROTE AGAIN

I REPEAT

HE WROTE AGAIN!!

Breaking news: Prince Charming wrote again! I'll go in and grab a screen cap later, but the gist of the message is: Why are you writing back if you're not interested? I said you were interesting and complimented you, but you were defensive and trying to insult me from the get go. Go fuck yourself. 

Ah. Suddenly it becomes clear. It's definitely the male ego thing. He thought he was being so chivalrous for calling me "interesting" and I had the AUDACITY to write back and INSULT HIM. God, I'm such a bitch. 

This is quite hilarious for many reasons, listed below:

1. Thinking "interesting" is a great compliment. In some respects it is, but in this case, it's an extremely vague and generic word. What makes me interesting? Why am I interesting? ELABORATE, DAMN YOU. 
2. That he thinks he complimented me more than once. No. He called me interesting and then immediately implied that I'm desperate for validation. That's one compliment (see #1) and one insult. 
3. I'm writing back because you called me desperate and pathetic. What, like I'm just going to sit there and take it?
4. I wasn't being defensive. Giving a reasonable response isn't being defensive, it's giving a response. And of course it's going to seem defensive in his mind - he knows he just insulted me. ANYTHING I said in response to that would have seemed defensive to him, because that is how he assumed I was going to react. 
5. I don't think he has a very good working memory, re: me insulting him from the get go. I didn't get my snark on until the second insult he threw at me. Or, and this may be the most likely explanation here: maybe he sucks at reading comprehension? 
6. And finally, the lovely "go fuck yourself" response. That is the epitome of class and maturity, ladies and gents. I'm kicking myself for letting this guy go, because he is clearly a winner. 

Thank you, friend, for providing me with tonight's entertainment and with some food for thought. The male ego is a fragile thing, and the moment it's threatened, it will resort to name calling and the lowest common denominator: the classic "go fuck yourself/fuck you/fuck off" school of insults. 

Damn. This makes me wish I was a lesbian.