"So I decided to get drunk" - My latest blind date

Some time last month, I started talking to a guy on OkC. Let's call him K. He seemed smart and sweet. He had manners and was even a little old-fashioned. He had a good job, his own car and more importantly, an adorable dog. Naturally, I liked him right off the bat.

After a week or two of exchanging novel-esque messages, I started to get a little antsy. Normally I'm the one wanting to put off meeting someone from the online world, but he seemed safe. Plus, we were revealing so much of ourselves to one another that I became worried we wouldn't have anything to say to each other once we actually met. So, sensing that he wasn't about to ask me out anytime soon, I took the bull by the horns and asked him out myself.

He said yes, and we agreed to meet up at a place to get drinks. Drinks seemed better than dinner, because if you're on a blind date with someone who's not a good match for you, getting through an entire meal together can be excruciating. 

The night of our date, I was excited but nervous. I spent forever choosing the perfect outfit and painstakingly curled my hair. A little bit of make-up, but not too much, and I was good to go.

I got there early, and soon after received a message from him saying he'd hit traffic and would be a few minutes late. No problem, I thought. I went up to the bar, ordered a beer and started texting my friends and playing Bejeweled (as you do).

A few minutes after that, I got another text from him saying he'd miscalculated and he would actually be there in 5 minutes. I paid the bill and chugged the beer as quickly as I could. I wasn't really sure if it would make a good impression, drinking without him, so I had to rid the evidence. 

I'm one of those people who can tell within a couple of minutes - or less - if the date I'm currently on is going to be good or going to be bad. Sadly, it was the latter. I knew right away. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him, but I somehow just knew that not only would we never see each other again, but that this would be a painful date. Maybe you're thinking it's not fair of me to write him off so quickly, and maybe you're right. But if there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I have killer intuition, almost to a fault. 

We sat down, ordered a drink and my premonition about us not having anything to talk about rang true.  We already knew about each other's jobs, families and hobbies, but it felt weird to ask about them ("How's your brother whose name I don't know and of whom I haven't seen a picture?"). Somehow it was like we were on our second date, but had never actually went on a first.

I don't know if it was just that we didn't have a lot to say, or if he was just shy/nervous or some combination of all of the above, but he was a sucky conversationalist. It was like pulling teeth. Example:

Me: "So, how was your day?"

K: "Good."

Me, after a pause: "...Good, good. I'm lucky, there was a training seminar at work today that I didn't have to go to, so I got the day off!"

K: "That's cool."

Me, after a pause: "...Yeah, it is."

So I decided to get drunk. After all, I was nervous. Maybe I was being a sucky conversationalist too, and alcohol helps make it better. But naturally, that turned him off. He probably thought I was pathetic for getting drunk on a first date, but I didn't see the harm. I knew we'd never see each other again, so why not have a little fun?

When it was time to go, he paid the bill, and he walked me to the subway. I offered to walk him to his car instead since he is unfamiliar with the neighbourhood, but he very quickly declined. As we were saying the usual pleasantries ("Thanks for coming all this way out...thanks for the drinks...it was great getting to meet you!") (Okay, fine. It was me saying those things and him saying "You too" over and over again), I noticed something funny. His feet were pointing towards me, but his upper body was facing an entirely different direction. Clearly, he was desperate to get far, far away from me.

I was minimally hurt by this. On the one hand, no one likes rejection in any circumstance. But on the other, it's not like my heart had really been into this date in the first place. It'd been a while since my last date, and I wanted to get back in the game, but I knew somewhere deep within, very early on, that I wouldn't have a future with this guy. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him out in the first place, but I couldn't help it. I'm a hopeless romantic. I wanted to like him, and that had been enough for me at the time.

Slightly drunk, I went and got some McDonald's, headed home and texted my best friend. All in all, not a bad night - at least I got some free drinks out of the deal!

How do they stack up? A comparison of 4 of the most popular dating sites

First off, let me say how sorry I am for not updating in forever. But it's summer, and with summer comes a busy social calendar. Things are winding down though, and I thought I'd pick up with this blog.

I feel like I've tried them all. That's not true, of course, but I've definitely tried most of the well-known dating sites - paid and unpaid - to find Mr. Right. So I feel like it's time I wrote down my thoughts about them. Hopefully, if nothing else, my experiences can help someone out there who's interested in giving this online thing a shot but doesn't know where to start.

OkCupid - Ah, the reason I started this blog in the first place.
Type: Free to use!

Pros: Very easy to use - it's probably the most user-friendly site out there. They have some interesting features, like the QuickMatch and the Crazy Blind Date thing. There's a decent mix of people, too. Yeah, there are some creeps, but there seem to be some genuinely cool people out there. I also like getting to answer questions about my thoughts and beliefs, and also enjoy being able to see specifically where a potential match and I are similar and where we differentiate.

Cons: Because it's a free site, anyone can joined, so there are in fact a good chunk of the aforementioned creeps. Also, their matching system is occasionally a little faulty. I'll get a notification of a great sounding match, but then it turns out he lives in another country. My neighbouring country, to be fair, but it's a little bit too long distance for my liking.

Also, if you rate someone 4 or 5 stars, it'll send a message to the person, letting them know you are interested. Cool, right? The problem with this lies within some sort of setting that some people use that will automatically rate you 4 or 5, so it appears that you like each other. I've found that a lot of guys with this setting don't bother to message you; at least, they don't break the ice.

Bottom line: I'd definitely give it a go.

Plenty of Fish
Type: Free!

Pros: I actually know two couples who met on here - one is married and the other has been together for four years. So that's cool! Actual success stories! POF brags that it's the leading free online site, and by the looks of it, they're not wrong. There are tons of people always online, giving you plenty of options.

Cons: Maybe I'm just old, but I can't figure out how the hell to really use this site. It just seems cluttered. The layout and design of the site is extremely bare bones, so it not aesthetically pleasing. In fact, it looks a little...cheap. I think that they're still using the same design they used back when they first launched and no one had heard of them. Also, because there are tons of members, there is a higher rate of guys looking for hookups. That's cool if that's what you're looking for, but coming across decent, potentially long-term guys is a little difficult. I feel like this is the place to be if you're in your early to mid 20s. Any older than that (and sadly, I fall under that category!) and you may have to try your luck elsewhere.

Bottom line: Proceed with caution. It's free, so you have nothing to lose, but maybe use it as your test run into online communicating, writing profiles, etc. if you're new to the dating scene.

Match.com
Type: Paid

Pros: Um. Err. Well, they boast about being the most successful paid dating site, so that's a good thing, right?

Oh wait! I know! I like the Winks that you can send. A neat way of testing the waters without investing any time.

Cons: Pretty much everything. Again, maybe I'm just old, but I can't figure this site out either. They don't make communicating with a match easy to do, surprisingly. Navigating around the site and people's profiles is trickier than it really should be. Maybe I'm completely clueless, but even locating my inbox took me several minutes.

The site is poorly designed as well. For instance, when you click on your messages at the top of the page, it'll allegedly open your inbox. And by allegedly, I mean you'll get a message saying: "You have X amount of unread mail! Click here to read them!" and you have to click on another link. WTF? Why isn't clicking on the messages enough to open the inbox? They also make generous use of the "read more" function - if a match has anything longer than a paragraph in their profile, you have to manually expand it to keep reading.

On top of all of that, I really just haven't had any success. Quite possibly because I don't know what the hell I'm doing. But none of the guys I've winked at, message or generally indicated some interest towards have ever gotten back to me. Luckily, there are plenty of men almost old enough to be my father who enjoy messaging me. *Shudders*

Plus, one of the reason why I signed up for Match.com was because I was sick of the copy and paste messages I was getting at the free sites. I reasoned that people who are paying are going to put more effort into the system, right? Wrong. Almost all of the messages I've received have been the exact same thing as the free sites: copy and pasted, completely impersonal messages. I was disheartened as soon as I discovered this, and is probably the main reason I don't go on very much.

And! This pretty much sealed the deal for me. They automatically renewed my subscription. Which, okay, I'm pretty sure it's in the TOS. The thing that pisses me off though is that they conveniently forgot to remind me that my subscription was due for a renewal. I definitely would have cancelled beforehand had they done so, which is probably why they don't do it. So if you do decide to sign up, make a note in your calendar or phone or whatever when your subscription is about to expire, should you want to cancel.

Bottom line: I'd skip it. Paying for a terrible service sucks.

And finally...

eHarmony
Type: Paid

Pros: Their communication system is really unique. When you're interested in someone, you send them 5 multiple choice questions (from a list they've created or 5 you've made up yourself). They answer back (if interested, of course) with their own 5 questions. Next, you send each other your 10 must-have and can't-stand qualities in a partner. Finally, you send each other 3 open ended questions (again, you can write your own or choose from a list). If you've gotten over those hurdles, you can message each other like you would at any other site. If this feels like too much work, you can always skip over at any step, but you have to ask the other person's permission first.

I also really like their "What if" feature. which is similar to OkC's quick match. You get a brief snapshot of who someone is, and from there you can message them, let them know you're interested or skip over them.

Cons: The communication system can get repetitive pretty fast. The What If feature is cool, as I mentioned, but I've never heard back from a single person I've been introduced to using it. Plus, I've noticed lately that there have been a lot of technical difficulties. Keep in mind, I use a Mac, so it could be a compatibility thing, but it's annoying when I'm browsing and suddenly an error message pops up.

Bottom line: If you're looking for a unique online dating experience, you'll find it here: NO COPY AND PASTED MESSAGES FOR THE WIN!

And there you have it! I hope it was useful in some way. Coming up next, more dating advice and a story from my latest blind date!